just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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