i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
