The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
