You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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