how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
