my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
