Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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