What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
