I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
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I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I checked into jail on foursquare
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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