matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
