yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
