Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
