JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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