Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize