...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
After tacos, we're chasing women.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
