My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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