I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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