its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
