He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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