Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
