Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
