it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
