Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
