Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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