just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
