I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
should my penis look like a turkey
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
