I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
