I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
