he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
