So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize