She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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