We're facebook friends in real life
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
