Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
