He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize