Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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