Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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