my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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