I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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