today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
3 2 1 whiskey
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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