I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
