I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My breasts were aching with rage.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
