she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
