I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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