I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
