I just saw a hot homeless man
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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