After last night, I could never be a politician.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
our cab driver is having phone sex.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
