Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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