I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
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i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
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We had sex on a dog bed..
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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