True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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