all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize