Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
