I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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