Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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