Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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