forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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