Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
