I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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