My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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