Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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