she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
