even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
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If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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