Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
