I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sext me about skeletons
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
