Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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