K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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