he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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