So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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