After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
